I BECAME MY LAST ALBUM AND IT SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF ME

Photo by Karl Kratz

By now, if you are a fan of Infidelix and the music I create then you have already heard my most recent project I titled #RIPme. This album is different then my last albums and really explores the dark side of thinking and the sadness that can accompany real life. When I listen to the progression of my music I have noticed that even though the music is getting better from a professional standpoint, from a lyrical and instrumental standpoint my music has progressively gotten darker.

My first album, Obstacles was written and recorded when I first set out on this adventure. You can tell with the old school style beats and fast fun lyrics that I was super motivated and excited to be starting on this journey of exploring the unknown and backpacking the globe. The songs were positive, filled with energy, and made not only me, but the people who listened to the album, smile.

My second album which I titled, Busk Life you can start to hear a difference in my music. The lyrics became a bit darker and the beats became a bit more melodic. This album I recorded right after my viral video and even though I realize this now, during this time I was experiencing what would soon become a full blown depressive cycle that over the next year would spiral out of control. Songs like, ‘’On My Mind’’ ‘’Faded Memories’’ ‘’Breathe’’ and ‘’Samurai’’ made its way onto the album and these songs are very specific to the things and events I was beginning to experience in my life. It’s funny cause looking back at it now, I could of avoided everything that happened in my life over the past year if I would of just taken more time to listen to my lyrics and realize I was in a situation that was starting to hurt me, but still had enough time to get out unphased. I really should of listened.

If you are asking what problems I was going through, without revealing to many details or names of people, I was overtime losing the friends that I cared so much about. I had gotten very close with one of them and overtime he pushed me away until I felt like I was nothing. I never thought I was a weak person and I never struggled with depression but the feelings that I was having regarding this whole situation started making me feel super down and even though I thought I was in control of how I was feeling, I was clearly not. My brain and the virus of depression had started making its way through my entire body and thought process.

Now this is when I could of changed the outcome of my next situation but I didn’t. Instead I decided to lock myself away in my room that I rented inside of a crazy house and really dive deep into the sadness that my mind was able to create. I started over exaggerating the problems I was having into my songs to really show the intensity of what I was going through and to properly explain the feelings I was having to the listeners. This kind of manifestation made everything I was describing and talking about come true.

During the writing of this album and then more during the practicing part of the album I literally started losing all my friends. I literally started have thoughts of suicide and depression. I literally had friends just start ignoring me. People stopped inviting me to things and the list can go on and on about the things that were happening in my life that I believe directly resulted from me manifesting them into my reality.

It is crazy because I did not do anything to make this stuff happen. I just started putting it out into the universe and then it started happening. I lost the people I had become closest too and I got driven almost to the point of insanity because I allowed myself to get there and I believed the things I was putting down on paper.

I have always been aware of the Laws of Attraction but for some strange reason I never thought it pertained to the art I was putting out, I thought it more or less had to do with the way I was living my life. How stupid of me to think this though because of course the thoughts you put out into the universe happen. If it worked for everything else why would it take a break from me during the creation process of #RIPme?

I understand why people project lavish lifestyles and things in their music and believe it or not these rappers that do this, end up getting this. They talk about having stacks of cash and driving nice cars and they end up getting stacks of cash and they end up driving really nice cars. The new album I am currently working on titled, The Life of Bryan will not have sad songs on the album. Maybe one or two but the entire focus of the project will be about my life and how I followed dreams and never gave up. I will provide inspiration, motivation, and I will project the things I want into my life. Currently everytime I perform on the streets I am putting the lyrics from my last album into the universe. I am stopping this. I am done projecting negativity and loneliness into the universe. My new album will be very different and I think the results will be seen in my mental health and also in my actual reality.

Since this experience I have grown so much. Since I released the album about 2 months ago it has been like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders. I no longer feel trapped behind my lyrics and my album. I did lose a lot of people I cared about during this experience but I tell you what, even though I will never go down this depressive album route again, it was needed to filter out the bad people in my life and it was needed to really expose the feelings that myself and others deal with on a daily basis.

I sure do miss some of these people though, maybe one day we can make things right.

Infidelix is Europe’s #1 Street Rapper and has spent the past 6 years traveling the world, inspiring and motivating culture through music

#RIPme #newalbum #streetrapper #worldtraveller #raplife #followdreams #powerofintention #lawsofattraction #nevergiveup #postivevibesmakeapostivelife #infidelix #infidelixofficial #infidelixmusic #infidelixfanclub #infidelixrapper #berlin #subwayrapper #thegreenhouseberlin #artists #makeartlegal #nomad #nomadic